Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. (Ephesians 4:26-27 MSG).
When I was a young girl growing up in a small Midwestern Iowa town, one of the phrases most commonly from my mother’s mouth was, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Her emphasis was to teach me, not to be quiet, but to refrain from getting angry and berating someone with my words. As I grew into a teenager, and at times an angry one at that, I became very adept at sarcasm– sarcasm that at times could be very caustic and venomous to whomever I was speaking. Anger veiled, not in actual lies, which I thought kept me “safe” from ridicule, but in a vicious sharp speaking of the truth that I thought more effectively cut to the heart of a matter. Little did I know that the sarcasm hid none of my anger from others.
In the crowd I had begun to run with, many laughed at my attitude and made me feel accepted and even part of a group. There were friends who even found my antics humorous for a time. After a while, they grew tired of my sarcastic quips and drifted away.
Left adrift of those friends, I sought out older, more knowledgeable and wiser companions. As I grew in my faith, I learned how painful it could be to have that sarcasm and caustic wit turned on by another. I began to learn how to hone my craft, becoming less flippant and more zeroed in on the true issue I had been trying to reveal. I found that anger when channeled properly becomes growth in maturity. Slowly my heart began to listen to the One within me who desired to show me a better way to use my words. He taught me to find ways to authentically speak truth without lashing out uncontrollably.
For example, one day, employees from a regional-wide nursing home company, in which I was employed, were called to a central location for a 2-day seminar. At the end we were encouraged to write our opinion of the event. Little did I know what I wrote would be spoken aloud to the over 150 people present, employees ranging from the president of the company down to the lowest paid person. I blasted the event. My concern was for that little old lady tucked away in a corner of the nursing home, and I wanted information that would help me help her to make her quality of life better. What I felt I got was political mumbo-jumbo that would make the corporation look good to the public and very little hands on advice for my job. My heart was in the right place but after I wrote out my anger and frustration in the inquiry request, and it was actually read, the statement was met with hard cold silence. Did I achieve my goal of receiving hands on training for my job? No. Did I make any headway to get through to the corporate big-wigs? I will never know. That anger profited me very little.
I recently read this quote: “Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle; be kind.” It reminded me that my anger, veiled in sarcasm, which I rationalized to be used to speak what I thought was the hard to accept, but honest truth, was actually only the truth as I saw it. I wasn’t seeing it from anyone’s eyes but my own.
I listened to Him speak to my heart and through His eyes of love He showed me the pain others experienced. I witnessed how words of compassion and empathy proved more effective and encouraging not only to others but also to me. I learned that when I showed genuine caring and concern rather than criticism and anger, others felt loved. I felt loved, and God was honored.
Prayer:
Father, thank you for your patience with me as you’ve taught me the healthy and profitable way to channel my frustrations and anger. Thank you for showing me, number (i): that it is okay to be angry and more importantly, number (ii), that only You can teach me the purpose of it and how You desire to use it to grow me to be like your Son Jesus. In His name I pray.
